Overcome Boredom in Marriages: Boring Doesn’t Mean It’s Over

“I love him, but the fun just isn’t there anymore. Our marriage used to have so much fire, but now the days just come and go.”

This sentiment is commonplace in most marriages, especially in decades since the exchange of “I Dos.” Years down the line, passion would have already settled down, and couples would begin to feel at home with each other. Love starts to feel comfortable and serene. When this happens, it’s easy to feel bored. Fortunately, this is normal and it’s easy to overcome boredom in marriages.

“I Feel Bored and Lonely In My Marriage”

It’s best to remember that boredom isn’t the same as loneliness. Although both may incite the same feeling of sadness, they don’t prompt the same intensity.

Boredom can stem from familiarity. When things happen routinely in a relationship, it can signify stability, security, and balance, but it can also make things feel mundane and boring. On the other hand, loneliness stems from neglect. Unlike boredom, which can happen out of stability, loneliness occurs because things change. This may mean that a previously established habit has been withdrawn or abandoned, resulting in people feeling like something is amiss.

The good thing is that both can be reversible and corrected with proper communication. Author John A. Gehrisch has good advice for this particular dilemma.

“Longevity, in most marriages, is directly proportional to the work put in together. Success comes when both people invest to achieve the best in life for them and their family, and by the joint work applied together toward a common goal.”
– The Golf Pro Has Heart, P.109

John A. Gehrisch has written this in his book The Golf Pro Has Heart, wherein he emphasizes that while finding and identifying your ideal love match may seem easy, maintaining that love through years and decades can be challenging.

Take it from his parents and the other couples he had studied for his book. These couples were married for 50 years or more, in a fulfilling and happy relationship, where they continued to be madly in love and best friends. John A. Gehrisch discovered 18 common traits in all these marriages and disclosed them within the book.

And while these couples may have made marriage seem easy, it rarely every is.

They may have maintained how passionate and fulfilling their marriages are, but it takes effort. Marriage will be filled with days when couples question whether things are worth it. But its success will always depend on both sides’ efforts to maintain the love and connection afloat. Such is also the way to overcome boredom in marriages.

Is It Normal to Get Bored in a Marriage?

The first thing couples are urged to avoid in order to overcome boredom in marriages is to mistake this feeling for indifference. Boredom will make things feel dull or tedious, but remember, this is only momentary.

As in the words of John A. Gehrisch, “Don’t be a quitter like the majority today. Do not destroy your marriage; rather, work on your relationship with your partner. Make the effort needed to rebuild a happy life with your partner.”

Love will always be a conscious decision couples need to make.

A common misconception is that a relationship becomes easier the longer couples are together. To a certain degree, there is truth to this, such that it should become easier for them to communicate and work through things, having mastered a specific dynamic that works between them. But this doesn’t automatically mean the relationship will start to require less effort.

Things may even begin to get harder the farther they are in their marriage. Along the way, couples not only combat arguments and hefty fights. Instead, they also have to overcome boredom in marriages and the possibility of weariness. When this happens, couples may begin to doubt if there’s even the same passion and love in the connection as it once had.

It can be tricky when things begin to feel comfortable and mundane.

But isn’t that supposedly the aim? To find a love that feels like home.

Just because it doesn’t feel as enthusiastic or wistful as in the past, it doesn’t mean that the same love isn’t there. A relationship that was once built with passion can always be reignited.

Boredom is merely an obstacle couples have to proactively overcome together.

Without a doubt, the longer couples have been with each other, the more likely they are to lose that “spark.” What was once exciting will become routine and typical. But there’s nothing wrong with this. When the relationship begins to feel like it’s flatlining, leaving shouldn’t be the first option—not without an adequate attempt to revive that flame that once started everything.

How Do You Overcome Boredom in Marriages?

Intimacy can fix a lot of things in marriages. However, when it comes to the question of how to overcome boredom in marriages, closeness may only do so much. Instead, there needs to be a healthy line of communication. Make sure every side and woes have been heard.

To successfully navigate this issue, ask each other these two questions.

Are We Avoiding a Problem?

To overcome boredom in marriages, couples must overcome an entirely different issue that might be causing a slump in the relationship.

Talk it out. Do you have an issue that you might be coping poorly with as a couple? Do you have resentment brewing in your heart? Do you have a previous problem you’ve swept under the rug?

Let The Golf Pro Has Heart give you guidance on how to do this.

It’s necessary to communicate honestly about this, even if the issue happened months or years ago. If you haven’t fully coped with it, it’s best to address it openly with your partner. No matter how long you have known each other, unresolved conflicts can always hinder your connection from growing.

Am I Taking You For Granted?

No matter how aligned you are in your relationship, there will be a time when you’re just not seeing each other at eye level. To overcome boredom in marriages, it’s crucial that both of you are meeting each other. You must be on the same level of perspective and understanding about your relationship.

Have you prioritized your partner lately? Are you ensuring you’re with them? Remember, when things begin to feel too routine, the relationship starts to feel like a chore.

To avoid this and to overcome boredom in marriages, it’s best to genuinely connect with each other. Don’t just coexist. Instead, show appreciation for their existence. Celebrate each other and the marriage. It will always pay off to try something new and amplify your relationship.

Addressing this boredom requires a willingness to contribute mutually to the reconnection. It can be intimidating talking things out with the negativity revolving around “boredom.” But remember, this can also be a way to foster a more profound sense of intimacy and nurture your long-term relationship.

Read more about what John A. Gehrisch has discovered in his research on couples who had years to strengthen and maintain their connection. Read it from couples who had been in your position. Grab a copy of The Golf Pro Has Heart, and renew your passion.